So often we become the ultimate rule followers, not allowing ourselves to be the free spirits we were meant to be. We fear that we will disappoint, let down, and shame our friends and loved ones when our biggest fear really should be looking in the mirror and being unrecognizable in our own eyes. Once you begin to replace your hopes with regrets, you have "traded your hero's for ghost."
Passion is defined as "Ardent Love". Ardent means to be eager, so passion is being eager to "love"?? If I may, I would like to redefine the word passion, leaving "love" out of it. Passion is an overwhelming, intense emotion that you physically feel in the deepest part of your soul to be a part of something whether that may be an activity, a cause , or a relationship. It cannot be controlled and no one should attempt to do so. It is something that is easily lost and can quickly be aroused, but more importantly...it is what savers our youth. I have met 16 year old kids that live like they are 80 and I have a 96 year old Aunt that rides the wave of life like a 21 year old wild eyed girl.
We draw lines in the sand because we know we are capable of crossing them otherwise we wouldn't need them. In my opinion, we are all standing on the line wondering, waiting, wasting time, waging the war within on whether or not we step over the line we have drawn in the sand to restrict ourselves from...WHAT??? Living??
We don't have to be the person that other people think we should be. We do have to be the person we were created to be. I believe the secret to a happy life is not finding the perfect career, or being overly wealthy, or getting married and having 2.5 kids and a dog named Buster. I believe it is knowing one's self. We get so caught up in the world that we miss out on getting to know and understand what we are all about. You don't have to travel to Tibet and live with monks to figure this out. You just need to start crossing those lines that you have always had the urge to do so.
There's my 3 cents for the day.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
I Just Want To Use Your Love...
For some reason, every time I get in my car I hear the song "Your Love" by The Outfield. I love the song, always have. Takes me back to my video game playing Grand Theft Auto days haha Anywho, I started to really listen to the lyrics and at first I was like, geesh, what a jerk!! Then as I listened I thought, an honest person. Not something you can come by easily in this life. Harry Truman once said, "They call me give 'em hell Harry. All I do is tell them the truth and they say it's giving 'em hell." Have always loved that statement. How true Harry...we can't handle the truth.
There is just something refreshing about BRUTAL honesty upfront. Not...I know I'm gonna get caught honesty or it's about time to be honest honesty. Someone who will look you in the eye and give it to you straight in the first few moments of your getting acquainted period. It's risky, but what a thrill. It can be so refreshing to walk away and not have to play the analyze that game. It doesn't always feel good, but I promise you, that you will respect that person.
It is true what they say about good eye contact. I love to look people in the eyes. If I look away it means I am uncomfortable with the subject or the person. Body language is also a dead give-a-way. The lean says it all, did they lean in or away? I am not talking about romance here. I am talking about understanding people. Not everyone is going to look at you and say..."quit touching me, and back up!" Stop the insanity!! haha Give people their space and know how to recognize when they really, truly want you in it. This is true in life, love and the elevator. ;)
Don't make promises, plans, pottery or anything else that can be broken.
Okay...my thoughts for the night, take them, leave them, lean in or away. I just want to USE your love tonight...it's that simple.
There is just something refreshing about BRUTAL honesty upfront. Not...I know I'm gonna get caught honesty or it's about time to be honest honesty. Someone who will look you in the eye and give it to you straight in the first few moments of your getting acquainted period. It's risky, but what a thrill. It can be so refreshing to walk away and not have to play the analyze that game. It doesn't always feel good, but I promise you, that you will respect that person.
It is true what they say about good eye contact. I love to look people in the eyes. If I look away it means I am uncomfortable with the subject or the person. Body language is also a dead give-a-way. The lean says it all, did they lean in or away? I am not talking about romance here. I am talking about understanding people. Not everyone is going to look at you and say..."quit touching me, and back up!" Stop the insanity!! haha Give people their space and know how to recognize when they really, truly want you in it. This is true in life, love and the elevator. ;)
Don't make promises, plans, pottery or anything else that can be broken.
Okay...my thoughts for the night, take them, leave them, lean in or away. I just want to USE your love tonight...it's that simple.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
2011??
At this point I have no idea what to expect with another year. All I know is, I am ready for some breathing room. I'm not one for New Years resolutions, but as far as this years concerned I have to clean anything bad out of my life. If something or someone makes me feel bad...it's gone. I was amazed at how many things made that list. Some were hard to let go, but after I did it...ahhhhh,what a feeling!!
My soul has been dormant for far too long and it longs to be awakened. Sometimes you meet someone who knows exactly how to do this for you. I won't call them a soul mate because that kind of thinking is very illogical. They are more like a kindred spirit. I love the line Owen Wilson gives Rachel McAdams in Wedding Crashers... "your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another." Now, that's what I'm looking for. May be a crap shoot, but it makes sense.
Right now I am LOVING the fact that I actually know who I am and what I want. I also know who I am NOT and what I DON'T want. I am blessed to have good *mature* friends that love me. I have learned to laugh at my circumstances. That is an art by the way because if you don't know how to laugh you will for sure cry. I DON'T cry so I have to release it somewhere.
My dating life is still a book with each boy claiming his own chapter. I say boy because...well...I have yet to meet a man. haha It can all be filed under life experience though and I am thankful for each one of them. They all played a part in showing me what I don't want or deserve.
2011 will be a year of breathing in and out, feeling healthy, smiling back at myself in the mirror every morning, enjoying the 'Salt Life' that I have grown so fond of and accepting that 30 is not old. I leave for Mexico next month and that's just the beginning of my adventures. There's a story here and I want my grandchildren to one day say..."she was a CRAZY woman who sucked every drop out of life, leaving no stone unturned, always letting her long dark wild hair down to blow in the breeze." Yep, put it on my tombstone. hahaha Happy New Year, may its juices run down your chin!!
My soul has been dormant for far too long and it longs to be awakened. Sometimes you meet someone who knows exactly how to do this for you. I won't call them a soul mate because that kind of thinking is very illogical. They are more like a kindred spirit. I love the line Owen Wilson gives Rachel McAdams in Wedding Crashers... "your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another." Now, that's what I'm looking for. May be a crap shoot, but it makes sense.
Right now I am LOVING the fact that I actually know who I am and what I want. I also know who I am NOT and what I DON'T want. I am blessed to have good *mature* friends that love me. I have learned to laugh at my circumstances. That is an art by the way because if you don't know how to laugh you will for sure cry. I DON'T cry so I have to release it somewhere.
My dating life is still a book with each boy claiming his own chapter. I say boy because...well...I have yet to meet a man. haha It can all be filed under life experience though and I am thankful for each one of them. They all played a part in showing me what I don't want or deserve.
2011 will be a year of breathing in and out, feeling healthy, smiling back at myself in the mirror every morning, enjoying the 'Salt Life' that I have grown so fond of and accepting that 30 is not old. I leave for Mexico next month and that's just the beginning of my adventures. There's a story here and I want my grandchildren to one day say..."she was a CRAZY woman who sucked every drop out of life, leaving no stone unturned, always letting her long dark wild hair down to blow in the breeze." Yep, put it on my tombstone. hahaha Happy New Year, may its juices run down your chin!!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
$1 To Get Me Over The Bridge...
For some time now, I have been in a constant struggle with God. I have been questioning his involvement in my life, the significance of my own life and just the overwhelming sadness that I can't seem to shake. I was reading the children's version of the story of Gideon the other night before bed and I found my self relating, which was something I hadn't done for quite sometime in regards to my faith.
As I read the story of Gideon in Judges 6, I began to feel something within, something awaken that had been asleep for some time. I was a Gideon. The words of Gideon could have been my own.
Judges 6:13
Then Gideon said to him, "O my lord, if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are not all His miracles which our fathers told us about..."
Then in true "human" fashion, Gideon needs a sign. He needs to know that God means business. He was tired of the disappointment and he needed to know that God was truly with him. I have often found myself asking God for the wet wool, dry ground recently. I need a sign to know that he has not given up on me, that there is still a master plan for my life.
Last night I headed south to do a little Christmas shopping. I found myself coming up on a toll and I was in a solid panic to scrape together four quarters out of my ashtray. Luckily I had just that. I never carry cash because I just prefer to swipe the old check card. I made a mental note to go to an ATM as soon as I got to the mall to avoid this disaster on the way home. I arrived at the mall and began frantically shopping, moving from store to store. As I was walking, I came upon what appeared to be $1 bill on the ground. I thought...could it be? Yes, it was. I looked around and there was no one who could've dropped it so I picked it up and in my coat pocket it went. I had a little extra pep because I have the worst luck in the world and stuff like that just doesn't happen to me. I finished my shopping and headed to the car.
I was on the road again, heading back to Tampa when...I saw the toll sign. Oh #@*!...I had forgotten to get money at the ATM. Suddenly I remembered my "once in a lifetime lucky moment" and I reached in my coat pocket and there it was. I handed over the $1 to the toll booth worker and I was on my way. All I could think was, maybe God just wanted me to know that he was still looking out for me. He provided the $1 to get me over the bridge. It wasn't a $50 dollar bill or a $20 or even a $10 or $5. It was all I needed to get me home.
I would like to believe that God is still working in my life and even though I have had more doors slammed in my face than a door to door Bible salesman, He still has something in mind for me and He's just keeping me from screwing it up.
Judges 6 15-16
He said to Him, "O Lord, how shall I deliver Israel? Behold, my family is the least in Manasseh, and I am the youngest in my father's house." But the Lord said to him, "Surely I will be with you, and you shall defeat Midian as one man."
Surely I will be with you...whether it's for something great or, if only to provide you with $1 for your toll to get you home.
As I read the story of Gideon in Judges 6, I began to feel something within, something awaken that had been asleep for some time. I was a Gideon. The words of Gideon could have been my own.
Judges 6:13
Then Gideon said to him, "O my lord, if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are not all His miracles which our fathers told us about..."
Then in true "human" fashion, Gideon needs a sign. He needs to know that God means business. He was tired of the disappointment and he needed to know that God was truly with him. I have often found myself asking God for the wet wool, dry ground recently. I need a sign to know that he has not given up on me, that there is still a master plan for my life.
Last night I headed south to do a little Christmas shopping. I found myself coming up on a toll and I was in a solid panic to scrape together four quarters out of my ashtray. Luckily I had just that. I never carry cash because I just prefer to swipe the old check card. I made a mental note to go to an ATM as soon as I got to the mall to avoid this disaster on the way home. I arrived at the mall and began frantically shopping, moving from store to store. As I was walking, I came upon what appeared to be $1 bill on the ground. I thought...could it be? Yes, it was. I looked around and there was no one who could've dropped it so I picked it up and in my coat pocket it went. I had a little extra pep because I have the worst luck in the world and stuff like that just doesn't happen to me. I finished my shopping and headed to the car.
I was on the road again, heading back to Tampa when...I saw the toll sign. Oh #@*!...I had forgotten to get money at the ATM. Suddenly I remembered my "once in a lifetime lucky moment" and I reached in my coat pocket and there it was. I handed over the $1 to the toll booth worker and I was on my way. All I could think was, maybe God just wanted me to know that he was still looking out for me. He provided the $1 to get me over the bridge. It wasn't a $50 dollar bill or a $20 or even a $10 or $5. It was all I needed to get me home.
I would like to believe that God is still working in my life and even though I have had more doors slammed in my face than a door to door Bible salesman, He still has something in mind for me and He's just keeping me from screwing it up.
Judges 6 15-16
He said to Him, "O Lord, how shall I deliver Israel? Behold, my family is the least in Manasseh, and I am the youngest in my father's house." But the Lord said to him, "Surely I will be with you, and you shall defeat Midian as one man."
Surely I will be with you...whether it's for something great or, if only to provide you with $1 for your toll to get you home.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
This Is How I See You...
When I first heard this song about 4 years ago, It made me feel a little sad, longing for days gone by. For some reason it made me think about when I was little, living out in the country, playing in the snow with my little brother. So innocent and so happy. Worry free, with things I could still believe in. When I listen to this song today, I am overwhelmed with sadness, wondering what happened to that little girl. Where did she go? I miss her more than I miss anyone I have ever lost in my life.
I can close my eyes and I'm 23 years in the past. I see my brother all bundled up with bright red cheeks as I pull him around on the sled looking like a little snow baby. Playing in the snow until it's almost dark out, then heading in and stripping out of our wet snow suits and standing next to the wood burning stove to dry off. I can hear the wood cracking and popping. Right now, in this moment, I would give anything to stand next to that old wood burning stove and feel the innocence that I have so freely lost over these 23 years.
This is how I see me, in the snow on Christmas morning. Love and happiness surrounds me, as I throw my arms up to the sky, I keep this moment by and by...
I can close my eyes and I'm 23 years in the past. I see my brother all bundled up with bright red cheeks as I pull him around on the sled looking like a little snow baby. Playing in the snow until it's almost dark out, then heading in and stripping out of our wet snow suits and standing next to the wood burning stove to dry off. I can hear the wood cracking and popping. Right now, in this moment, I would give anything to stand next to that old wood burning stove and feel the innocence that I have so freely lost over these 23 years.
This is how I see me, in the snow on Christmas morning. Love and happiness surrounds me, as I throw my arms up to the sky, I keep this moment by and by...
Monday, November 15, 2010
And the road to life goes up and down...
For starters, I want everyone to know that I am completely aware of what this song is about. I still feel it has some significant lyrics, at least in reference to my life and I like to roll down the windows in the car, turn it up and pretend like I am gonna drive back home to the hills and quiet.
It's been a while since I got on here and spit out thoughts, I had a few minutes so I felt like organizing the madness that goes on in my mind on a daily basis. Recently I have met some very interesting people. Some I don't care to ever meet again and some I would like to stay for a while. Casting all fears to the back burner, I have let people into my life and tried new things that I normally would not. It has been a life changing experience and I am glad I was able to get my nerve or stupidity up to do so.
With my struggle to contain my constant anxiety about everyday occurrences,I often find myself not breathing. Today, I took a deep breath and smiled back at myself in the rear view mirror. There she was...the girl that still knows how to kick ass. I tend to lose her at times, but she always finds her way home. I can be a handful and very hard to hold, but I have learned to move forward and keep the past in the past. I can appreciate meeting people that can do the same. When I allow myself to be linked to a past that obviously was not my future, I throw everything good in my life off. It's hard not to return to what we know. I find the thrill in walking into the unknown.
I read a quote today that said "Our brightest blazes are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks." --Samuel Johnson
So many times we miss the spark because we are too focused on something that is uneventful and meaningless in our lives. The people that are willing to let it all go for the blaze are the people worth living life with.
Life and love are a heavy, heavy load.
It's been a while since I got on here and spit out thoughts, I had a few minutes so I felt like organizing the madness that goes on in my mind on a daily basis. Recently I have met some very interesting people. Some I don't care to ever meet again and some I would like to stay for a while. Casting all fears to the back burner, I have let people into my life and tried new things that I normally would not. It has been a life changing experience and I am glad I was able to get my nerve or stupidity up to do so.
With my struggle to contain my constant anxiety about everyday occurrences,I often find myself not breathing. Today, I took a deep breath and smiled back at myself in the rear view mirror. There she was...the girl that still knows how to kick ass. I tend to lose her at times, but she always finds her way home. I can be a handful and very hard to hold, but I have learned to move forward and keep the past in the past. I can appreciate meeting people that can do the same. When I allow myself to be linked to a past that obviously was not my future, I throw everything good in my life off. It's hard not to return to what we know. I find the thrill in walking into the unknown.
I read a quote today that said "Our brightest blazes are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks." --Samuel Johnson
So many times we miss the spark because we are too focused on something that is uneventful and meaningless in our lives. The people that are willing to let it all go for the blaze are the people worth living life with.
Life and love are a heavy, heavy load.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Ready For Love??
I heard this song earlier today and thought...I dig it. I guess we always think we're ready for love, especially when we are single and "searching." I actually felt indifferent about..."love" after listening to this song. In this society and these times, love has a new definition. It's very short term. Instead of "I love you," I feel we should start saying "I want to be obsessed with you until I'm not anymore." I meet men pretty regularly and they are all looking for a woman that they have created in their minds. Good luck fellas! Then there are the women who are looking for a man that could star in an animated Disney princess movie.
I no longer live in this haze. I am a clear thinker and as an observer in the nightlife as a single gal...wow!! Very entertaining. No one is ready for "Love." We are ADHD daters. We lose interest in each other quicker than hyper colored t-shirts from the 80's came and went. I loved those by the way. The 40's and the 50's would be ashamed of our behavior. Sit still people, give each other a chance. First impressions are not the end all.
I don't say this as a bitter single woman, I say this as someone who notices how mentally unhealthy we are. I have let go of all expectations in regards to dating. I actually meet someone and embrace them if we have a good time together. When it's over and chances are it will be rather quickly, it's over. It's a square dance. The only difference for me is, I refuse to dance with the same partner twice. I love history, but I won't live it.
Just some random thoughts provoked by a Bad Company song.
"Now I'm on my feet again, better things are bound to happen. All my dues surely must be paid. Many miles and many tears, times were high, but now they're changing. You should know that I'm not afraid."
I no longer live in this haze. I am a clear thinker and as an observer in the nightlife as a single gal...wow!! Very entertaining. No one is ready for "Love." We are ADHD daters. We lose interest in each other quicker than hyper colored t-shirts from the 80's came and went. I loved those by the way. The 40's and the 50's would be ashamed of our behavior. Sit still people, give each other a chance. First impressions are not the end all.
I don't say this as a bitter single woman, I say this as someone who notices how mentally unhealthy we are. I have let go of all expectations in regards to dating. I actually meet someone and embrace them if we have a good time together. When it's over and chances are it will be rather quickly, it's over. It's a square dance. The only difference for me is, I refuse to dance with the same partner twice. I love history, but I won't live it.
Just some random thoughts provoked by a Bad Company song.
"Now I'm on my feet again, better things are bound to happen. All my dues surely must be paid. Many miles and many tears, times were high, but now they're changing. You should know that I'm not afraid."
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