Letting Go...

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is let go of all your anxieties, frustrations, concerns, burdens and WORRIES. We all have had that wonderful yet pointless advice given to us..."Just let go." Okay...I would love to let go, but how?? Depending on our nature, for some of us this is easy and for others, we have a better chance of flying with pigs. haha Is it impossible for us "fixers?" No...not at all. We can do it, but it takes a lot more time and meditation.

The phrase 'Happy Place' comes to mind. For those of us that are in a constant state of worry and concern we literally have to have a 'happy place.' For me, it's not something I can go to in my mind, believe me I have tried. It is an actual place. It would be ideal if we could just pick up and go every time we are having "one of those days," but that's just not gonna happen for us.

My solution, and I'm not saying it is full proof, is habit. The same people that cannot let go are major habit formers. Not always good habits either. I have gone through many habits in my life, so I know this is something I can excel at. I am in the process of making a habit out of tending to my serenity. Right now, I am accomplishing this about once a week. It's going good. I either go to the beach or I create something. When I am partaking in either one of these activities, I feel worthwhile.

The feeling of worthlessness is what brings on the anxieties. Feeling worthwhile, suppresses those anxieties. I am learning to slow down, not compare myself to those around me, and allow me to be me. I have had some really bad people come into my life this year and they left me feeling very inadequate. The interesting thing is, they were inadequate and they were not worthwhile in this life. At the same time, I have met a few people who were rare Bixbite: Red Berylems. I looked up rarest gem and this is what I came up with. Interesting enough, you can find these gems in the Wah Wah mountains of Utah. Right here in the good ole U S of A. Same place I found my own gems.

I encourage everyone to 'let go' in whatever way you know how. We have no control over most things in this life. Always do things that make you feel worthwhile and recognize the worthless so that they are unable to damage you. Make sure you remember to smile at yourself in the mirror in the morning. That way you always start your day with someone smiling at you. Just like Marley says..."Woke up this morning, smiled with the rising sun..."


Psalm 19:14

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.

Oil and Water...

Today I was walking through a parking lot with the little girl I nanny for and I heard her say, "Look, it made a rainbow!!" She was so amazed at all the colors floating around in a puddle next to my car. When I finally figured out what she was talking about, I realized it was a water puddle with oil mixed in.

A lot of times you will hear someone compare two people to oil and water, meaning they are a bad pair or opposites. It's never looked at as a good thing.Oil and water technically don't mix, but today I saw oil and water through the eyes of a four year old little girl and it was rather beautiful. There were swirls of vibrant colors going through the puddle where the oil had began to distribute. You could only see it if the sun hit it just right though.

I think the lesson I walked away with was the fact that two people may be very different and maybe even looked at as a bad fit, but often times when they get together they may turn into something beautiful. The Son has to shine just right on them though in order for their true beauty to shine through in swirls of vibrant colors. There are no hopeless or impossible situations.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time...

I'm Doing Me...

Sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in everyone else's life. Depending on one's personality, it can be very detrimental to their health mentally and physically as well as emotionally.

I have had some very important conversations these last few days with some extraordinary women who have helped me switch gears in my mind. I have been thinking a lot about ME. May sound selfish to some, but if you know me at all, you're probably thinking...it's about time. That's right, it's time to do me for a while.

I find it to be very interesting that the person mentioned most in the Bible second to Jesus is David. He wasn't exactly what we would call 'a model citizen.' He was a die hard sinner to the core. The Bible refers to David as 'A Man After Gods Own Heart' though. I have felt very encouraged by Davids story recently. I am in no way perfect and I do not claim to be. I have many, many flaws and have met many that like to point them out to me. The thing I find to be most interesting, is the fact that David had many, many flaws as well. God still chose to use him for big things, and all the while he was screwing up in big ways!!

It's so easy to get down on yourself and begin to feel defeated. My neighbor said to me..."Cut yourself some slack Tara." I really needed to hear that, and I really need to do it. I'm doing my best and that's all I can do. This life is a gift from God. It wasn't given to us so that we could dedicate it to someone else. He wants us to have free hearts. Free to be happy, free to love, and free to make mistakes.

Every choice we make is followed by a lesson. Some lessons are quick and easy while others are long and painful. We can grow from them both, if we so choose. Now, while I have the world by the tail...I'm doing me the best way I know how.

In the book of Genesis 5:24 it talks about Enoch. This is my life verse.
"Enoch walked with God; and he was not, for God took him."

I don't believe it can get any clearer than that. Enoch was not anything spectacular. He was just a man. I believe when it says 'he walked with God' it means that he had a relationship with Him, that we do our best. This is all God asks of us, that we stay close to Him. God was so pleased with Enoch's 'best' that He spared him death. What an amazing gift! Is it really that simple?

Behind The Smile...

I think a persons smile can often be the most defining thing about them. Do they smile with their eyes? Does it looks like it's literally hurting them to smile? Is their smile accompanied with a laugh? I can usually tell a lot by the way a person smiles at me. Sometimes it's more about what's being said behind the smile.

When I smile at a stranger, I am usually trying to let them know that I see them. I truly see them. I want them to know that as far as I'm concerned they exist in this world and they have a purpose. For some reason, it always deflates me a bit if I smile at someone and they just look through me with no expression.

When greeted by a love, I want to see the smile go all the way to the eyes like pouring a liquid in a cup. I want to know that things just got better for them because they "saw" me. When I see my great aunt, I want to see a smile of recognition. That..."hey! I know you" kind of smile. One I fear I will never see again on her face. When greeted by a child, I want to see the smile that sparkles and giggles. The one that says..."I'm so safe now."

One of the hardest things to do is smile through the pain. I know people that are professionals at it and I envy them. I try to do it, but I feel like I still have a sadness about me that I just can't seem to hide. I also know people who may not even know how to smile. I recently met a man, who I didn't know for long, that never really smiled. I can vaguely remember him half way smiling, but more like he was disgusted with something, more than likely me. I can remember him often asking me..."What are you smiling for?" I was smiling because I thought I was happy.

Recently, speculation, fear, uncertainty, sorrow, emptiness, anxiety, and disappointment have been lingering behind my smile. I choose to keep smiling though because I may encounter someone that needs someone to smile back at them.

"Always remember to be happy because you never know who's falling in love with your smile." ~Author Unknown