Black and White...

Sometimes I feel like my life is nothing but craziness. Am I honestly still trying to "find myself?" This past year has been pretty crazy for me. I changed jobs, started dating again after a four year hiatus, and I said goodbye to my Nana, which was life changing in itself. All of this has left me questioning everything about myself. Oh yeah...did I mention I turned 30?

I have days that I get out of bed and feel like life is so complex and ever changing that it's impossible for us to wrap our small minds around it. There are other days that I wake up and face the day thinking life is so black and white and there are just too many people trying to complicate it for us. So what is it???

I guess I need to define who I am before I can tackle the bigger issues. When one defines thyself, they don't tell where they are from or what they do, but they tell who they are. It's not as easy as it may sound, but it's very black and white. You either are or you aren't. So I am going to attempt to give the definition of Tara Stoops.

I am...
a guarded, complex, naive, confused, easily wounded individual who loves quickly and passionately regardless of what I might say. I don't know how to do anything with half of my heart. I will sacrifice anything and everything for you, but resent you later for not acknowledging what I have given up. I am quirky in my daily routines, and my thoughts are sometimes morbid and far out. I am attracted to broken people like a moth to a flame. I have a strong desire to listen to their every word and then fix them. I love the smell of clean laundry. When I go for jogs I actually think about how I can improve my many flaws the entire time I'm running. Can't shut my mind off when I jog or when I lay my head on my pillow at night. My biggest fear in life is ending up in a nursing home alone in a wheel chair with nothing but my thoughts and memories to haunt me until death...(I said morbid thoughts). People that make me laugh are the ones that have witty sarcasm or the ones that say what everyone else is thinking. I cry when I think about my Nana and when I feel rejected. The rest of the time I have ice water in my veins. That about sums me up...Black and White.