Lucky??

I recently went home for a quick vacation. Vacation??? Hmmm...according to Webster a vacation is respite or a time of respite from something. Maybe home is not the place for that. I returned home to find the school I attended, the gym I played basketball in, the halls I roamed had been flattened. All that was left behind was a vision in my mind of what once stood on the vacant lot. I can't even begin to explain how empty of a feeling that gave me.

The older I get, the more I understand that pretend is not just something children do. People pretend to be happy, they pretend to know what they are doing, they pretend to love, and they pretend to feel. I have never been great at pretending. I have always had an amazing imagination, but when it comes to how I feel, I tend to be very transparent. It's human nature to think everyone else thinks like us, therefore; I have found it very disheartening in my life to trust and believe what is told to me only to find that someone is "pretending."

This is not a depressing blog though. This is my "Lucky" blog. I feel thankful to have had so many people teach me such hard lessons. I'm still learning and I suppose I will continue to learn until I take my last breath. Lucky?? Yes I am. I used to think I was unlucky, especially in love. I have let good ones get a way, stayed too long with the bad ones, and more recently tried to pursue the wrong ones. I'm lucky that God refuses to let me settle. He knows if it was up to me, I would have already done it several times.

One morning I went to breakfast with my dad at our local diner which is the second place you go to see everyone in town, Wal-Mart being the first. As I was about to leave, I passed a table where an ex-boyfriends dad was sitting. In my mind I thought "well...this should be interesting." I think it took him maybe 30 seconds to ask if I was married and then give me the hmmm...I'm not surprised look. I started to feel bad and then stopped myself. Why should I feel bad? I have dodged so many bullets, his son being one of them. I should be a super hero!!

I'm lucky!!! I had the courage to leave a town, family, friends, and an environment that was comfortable to me. It was the hardest and scariest thing I have ever done, but the lessons I have learned have been invaluable. Lessons that very few have had the privilege to learn. God has always been very clear with me in regards to doors. He either shoves me thru them or he slams them so hard in my face I often think I may need a nose job. I constantly meet people that have no true life experiences. I used to feel bad that I had such a wondering spirit, but I no longer feel the need to make apologies.

My life is rich and exotic. I'm not afraid to take a chance on a job, an idea, or a person. I have friends that run billion dollar companies and friends that clean the bathrooms in those companies. I can look beyond the man and see the potential. I find it hard to relate to many especially in a romantic way because I don't have time for fear. I know how to smile when I hurt and I know how to fight when it's worth it. I also know how to walk away when it's over. Lucky?? More like thankful.